I'm 19 (!!) + 19 Things I'm Grateful For

“For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.”
- Michelle Obama, Becoming

Happy Friday all! I write to you now as a 19-year-old. I feel exactly the same, but I can't believe that I'm now living through my last year of being a teenager (aah!). Although I remained at home for social distancing, I am fortunate that my loved ones made me feel celebrated all the same. My younger sister is crafty, and made me a DIY chapstick of her own design. While still on campus, some of my college hallmates had planned to surprise me with a UN-themed murder mystery dinner. Even though we are now at home, my friends still insisted on holding the mystery over Zoom. I was so happy to reunite with my hall, even if for a moment over a computer screen.

I was blown away by my friends' efforts-- two of them penned a 100+ page-long script, filled with character dossiers, receipts, and even a love letter. After my birthday, I was overwhelmed with appreciation for the kindness of people in my community. As I reflect on these experiences and growing older, I want to take a moment to acknowledge some things that I am grateful for amidst the craziness of this time.

I am grateful for...

1. "Blue skies, smiling at me." This song lyric comes from a song called Blue Skies, one of my favorite pieces my choir performed last year. When it comes, I am grateful for warm weather that invites me outside. I joke with my friends that I must be at least part plant, because being in the sun makes me feel so much more energetic. I love running barefoot in the grass. I love the nights when it's warm enough to sit outside and watch the stars and talk for hours. I love being outside and feeling the warm air on my skin, and the days are just starting to transition into my favorite period of weather, the sweet spot where the temperature sits between the 60s and 70s.

2. Rice. And kimchi. And crunchy cucumbers and soft sweet potatoes and savory spinach, the foods I missed the most from home when I was at college. Also, fruits: while at school it was not uncommon for me to eat two or even three apples or oranges a day.

3. Good music and good books. Lately, one of my favorite activities to relax has been bullet journaling or writing while listening to soft pop. For as long as I can remember, reading has provided me with escape, empathy, and entertainment. With these two things, I can be happy.

4. Hoop earrings. Something about hoop earrings makes me feel powerful. I wear them on the days that I need a little more motivation, at Model UN conferences, and for job interviews.

5. My body. Especially in high school, I wasted so much time wishing that my body was something else. One of the most liberating experiences of my senior year was quitting the track team and instead prioritizing physical activity that made me feel happy. I still struggle sometimes, but rather than viewing exercise as something punitive to achieve a certain look or weight, I've striven to make it a time to focus on myself regardless of the day's schedule. I love running now more than I ever have before. The day before my birthday, I spontaneously ran my first half-marathon, in slow circles around the loops of my neighborhood. I did it for me, because I wanted to, and I enjoyed it.

6. Wednesdays. The weekends get a lot of hype, but I appreciate Wednesdays because they mark that I've made it halfway through the week, and that deserves some recognition.

7. Libraries. They're amazing. I enter looking for a book that I picked out in advance. Inside, I am easily distracted by a shelf here and a title there. Suddenly, it's been two hours and I am leaving with a stack of sixteen books that I have no chance of finishing in two weeks.

8. My family. The older I get, the more I appreciate and am amazed by my mother's strength. I love my younger sister's sass and energy, and I missed hearing from her at college.

9. Random acts of kindness. I am inspired to see communities finding ways to unite even in a time that requires distance.

10. Having great teachers. I am fortunate to have had wonderful teachers throughout primary and secondary education. I have had teachers that patiently walked me through material despite the additional time, that mentored me through personal difficulties, that taught me to write and to think, that encouraged my love of learning, and that made me believe I could become anything I wanted to be.

11. That things didn't always turn out the way I wanted. I used to believe that because outcomes could differ from my expectations, hard work doesn't pay off. I now realize that sometimes what is best is unexpected and even initially painful. I have learned a lot about my values and what I hold important from transitions. Unexpectedness brought me to elementary, middle, and high school in three different states, where I engaged with different people and learned different things. Unexpectedness also brought me to the College of William & Mary, where I have met so many kind, driven, and inspiring students. I am a product of change.

12. Sweatshirts and blankets. When my university closed, I left most of my clothes on campus. I unfortunately forgot that the weather up north is much colder than it was in Virginia, and I packed one sweater. It's gray with wide white stripes and a little itchy, but it's so warm.

13. Those moments when you're walking by an acquaintance or even a stranger, and you smile or say hello. I've felt this a lot especially on my recent runs-- others acknowledging me with a wave or a nod, as if to say hey, I am running too!

14. The power of milk. I tried hot chocolate and tea with milk for the first time this year, and both left me dumbfounded. Hot chocolate and tea are so, so much better with milk than with water.

15. My friends. Spending more time at home paired with moving towards the conclusion of my freshman year of college has made me reflect on the fluidity of relationships. William & Mary is the sixth school that I've attended. At every place I've lived, I've met people that made my experience memorable. We may not be the same people we were in middle school, for example, but we gave each other pieces of ourselves at that time, and to me, that's incredible. I also just find being able to connect and reconnect with others to be really cool-- whether it's a friend from college I talk to nearly every day, a friend from high school who's now at home too, or a friend from middle school I hadn't heard from in ages.

16. The periods of time when I'm "in the zone." Sometimes it's when I have a particularly good run. Other times, writing flows more easily, or an hour on schoolwork feels like five minutes. These moments always happen when I'm doing something I genuinely enjoy.

17. Pictures. I am fascinated with the idea of capturing moments. It's part of why I love to write. I love making collages to look back on in moments of need or nostalgia. My walls in my college dorm and at home are covered in photos.

18. Shoelaces. Crazy but true story: my friend locked herself out of her car, and we followed a YouTube tutorial to unlock her door with my purple, slightly muddied shoelace. One of the proudest moments of my life was hearing the click of the lock after we had stood in the parking lot for at least half an hour, trying to shimmy my shoelace with a knot tied at the end through the car window.

19. You. This small community online has provided me with an outlet for my random thoughts on books, projects, and everything in between since I was a middle school student, maybe 12 or 13 years old. I am convinced that blogging was my first love. No matter how long the hiatus, or how life obligations ebb and flow, I always come back.

How was your week? What are some things you are grateful for?